by Tod Maffin
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A couple of weeks ago, I did a fun long-form census for Canadians. My American readers asked for one of their own (damned imperialists). Here are the results:
How do you feel about Canadians?
It was a landslide of affection. Love took 81.3%, like managed 18.1%, a stony 0.6% could take us or leave us.
The warmth held across every age, but it peaked in the 50s at 86%. The youngest group, 20 to 29, was the coolest of the lot at a still very fond 74%. Even teenage indifference could not dent it.
How do you think Canadians feel about Americans?
Less sure of themselves here. A majority, 52.0%, figured we could take them or leave them. Another 22.5% thought we like them, 20.3% braced for dislike, and a combined 5.2% went all the way to love or hate.
If you could snap your fingers and become a Canadian citizen immediately, would you?
73.9% said yes, immediately. 23.3% wanted a moment to think about it. A loyal 2.7% politely declined.
Eagerness fell off a cliff with age. Among 40-somethings, 84% wanted in right now. Among those 80 to 89, only 48% did. The older you get, the more you apparently like your own porch.
Do you think Canadians care what Americans think of them?
The country shrugged at us on our behalf. 44.2% said not really, and another 29.4% chose the option "they actively give no shits." Only 24.3% thought we care a little, and 2.1% believed we care deeply.
Women were the most certain of our indifference, with 47% saying "not really.”
What is Canada's biggest contribution to the world?
Not insulin. Not the telephone. 62.7% said our biggest contribution is "decency and being the adult in the room." Medical discoveries took 14.7%, natural resources 12.0%, hockey a humble 8.5%, and military and peacekeeping 2.2%.
The romance of Canadian decency is something you grow into. It climbed from 40% among 20-somethings to 72% among the 80 to 89 crowd. The kids respect us. The elders adore us.
How safe do you think Canadian cities are compared to American ones?
68.3% said much safer, 26.0% a little bit safer, 5.6% about the same, and a single brave soul's worth, 0.1%, said not as safe.
The sense of Canada as a refuge grew with age, from 45% "much safer" among 20-somethings to 75% among those in their 70s.
Are you proud to be American right now?
This one stung. 79.4% chose "no, I'm actually quite ashamed." 11.7% went with meh, 8.5% said yes with asterisks.
Shame ran highest among non-binary respondents at 87% and women at 82%, with men at 74%. It held above 70% in every age group.
Have you ever panic-Googled "moving to Canada"?
Yes. Obviously. 72.5% confessed, 27.5% claimed they never have.
77% of women and 61% of men. Age mattered too, peaking at 82% among 40-somethings and falling to 46% among the 80s.
Do Canadians have a distinctive accent to you?
69.5% said yes, 30.5% said no.
Hearing the accent peaked among 40-somethings at 77% and was lowest among 20-somethings at 60%.
Who has the better beer?
A shocking result. 58.8% said some other country entirely (huh?!), 26.5% said Canada, and 14.8% backed the United States. Both nations, I assume, were outvoted by Belgium and Germany in absentia.
There were 58 other questions, including:
Do you think Canadians are genuinely nicer than Americans, or just more polite?
Do you think Canada has a distinct culture, or is it basically American culture with hockey?
Is Canada woke?
Do you think Canada is more or less racist than the United States?
Do you think Canada is a good place to raise children?
How many firearms are in your home?
If Florida floated away, would you mourn the loss?
If Canada offered, would you vote for your state to become a Canadian province?
Do you think most Americans could find Manitoba on a map?
...and 49 others
🔒 The full set of results are available to members of The Tod Squad 💜. You can upgrade to that tier here.
Trivia
Polls regularly find that Canadians are more likely than Americans to identify with which description?
— 30 —
Join the discussion about this issue in my Discord community
My new limited-edition shirt is now available: The Emotional Support Canadian!
Hand-illustrated by Amy Pye, an artist in Nanaimo BC (i.e., not AI), these are the most comfortable shirts you’ll ever own.
And there are lots of options for all genders (the women’s cuts really are for women, not just “unisex”).
🍁 100% made in Canada (ALL of it! From sewing to shipping!)
📦 Ships to Canada, the USA, Australia, New Zealand, or anywhere
🌿 Crafted from sustainable material
💛 Partial proceeds to charity
🥖 Aussi offert en français
But only this month!
I am closing my merch store for the summer after June 30th, so don’t sleep on these. I’ll also be stopping sales on the Relentless Decency and I Stand With Canada shirts, so if you've wanted either of those shirts, now's the right time to pick one up: shop.todmaffin.com
The Weekly Poll
What are you most likely to call the USA?
Last Week:
The Funny Bone
Trump: “We don't need anything Canada has.”
by Greg Kearney; used under licence.
What You Missed This Week
The Good News ♥️
Halifax has hired Deryn Rizzi as the new fire chief; she is the first woman ever in the role for the city.
A Mississauga man who survived the Holodomor celebrated his 107th birthday.
Habitat for Humanity Victoria announced plans to build a 26-unit townhouse development on land it purchased in Langford, BC.
A Cape Breton couple has been reunited with their dog after it was stolen from a gas station along with their SUV.
SCIENCE!!!!!! 🔭
British Columbia health officials say the Canadian who fell ill with hantavirus on a cruise ship stricken with an outbreak earlier this spring has recovered.
NASA has selected the geology team that will aid the first crewed lunar landing mission in more than 50 years, including a professor from Western University.
A Canadian scientist has found that amputated bits of flesh cut from scarlet sea cucumbers can survive for years in a strange new form.
The First Peoples 🪶
A new exhibit at Ottawa’s National Art Gallery is showcasing northern Indigenous artists from around the world.
Three Indigenous writers were among the 11 recipients of the 2026 Alberta Literary Awards.
A Kanien’kehá:ka (Mohawk) flight attendant taught pop star/mogul Rihanna how to say "thank you" in her language on a recent flight.
The Treaty Land Sharing Network is doing an inventory of plants used in traditional medicine at 65 sites across Saskatchewan and Alberta.
The Buffalo Narrows Friendship Centre in Saskatchewan has opened 29 new transitional housing units.
Canadian Content 🍁
Author, comedian, puppeteer, screenwriter, former wrestling promoter, and member of the Tsuut’ina Nation, Der Ric Starlight’s new book See-Me Street is out now.
The Great Gathering Place, a poem- turned picture book by Métis writer Naomi McIlwraith, is now available.
Discount Dave (and the Fix) is the true-ish story of a fake rockstar and an aspiring actress in 2005 Vancouver, available now on CBC podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts.
Canadian Comedian and “Filth Queen” Steph Tolev has announced that her podcast, Steph Infection, will be joining the slate at Tom Segura’s YMH Studios.
Wild Things 🐻❄️
A woman in Elmsdale, Nova Scotia, captured delightful footage of a deer and pheasant playing.
A Vancouver resident found a fully grown African serval cat, an exotic pet three times larger than a house cat, under their porch.
An orphaned seal pup nicknamed “Jimmy Two-Shoes” was rescued in Prince Rupert, B.C. He will be released back into the wild when ready.
An emu with four legs hatched at Back to Nature Acres Farm in Nanaimo, B.C.
Hire a Hen, a family-run business out of Springfield, Nova Scotia, allows people to rent hens for their backyards for the summer.
A bear with a stovepipe stuck on its head is doing fine after being rescued by B.C. Conservation Officer Service, in Oliver, B.C.
Across Canada 📍
The city of Barrie, ON, marked the anniversary of Sir Robert Barrie's death on June 7 with a flag-raising.
The federal government has tabled a bill that would bar Canadians under the age of 16 from holding social media accounts.
B.C.'s largest Filipino festival returns to Burnaby this summer as a two-day event.
New Brunswick author Jennifer Shelby's short story collection, Borrowed Wings and Other Stories, will be included in NASA's next journey.
Sports 🏒
Rugby Canada closed the women’s sevens portion of its season by beating the US. team 21-19 and earning the bronze medal.
The Toronto Tempo won their first franchise overtime in a game against the Connecticut Sun.
Eighty years after he retired from the NHL, Frank William (Flash) Hollett is being inducted into the Cape Breton Sport Hall of Fame.
Made in Canada
Little Rainbow Paper Co is a Canadian brand founded in Calgary, by illustrator Heather Hansler. The business started after she struggled to find greeting cards that reflected her own queer relationship and experiences, leading her to create inclusive designs that better represented the 2SLGBTQ+ community.
Launched in 2018, the company began with greeting cards and later expanded into stickers, pins, mugs, ornaments, and other gift items. Its products are created with a focus on authentic representation and celebrating queer identities, relationships, and milestones.
