by Tod Maffin
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The Canadian two-dollar coin has lived a more interesting life than you.
This is the story of the most lawless two dollars in the world.
Vanished into Thin Air
Montreal, 1996. The toonie, as we call it, has only been in circulation for five months. Someone at a railyard decides that was long enough and drives off with a tractor-trailer carrying one and a half million of them. Broad daylight, during the lunch hour.
The Royal Canadian Mint admits that recovery is basically impossible because, well, coins don't have serial numbers. They're all identical.
The truck is found abandoned in the Montreal suburbs, and the coins are all gone. Nobody's ever charged.
To this day, 30 years later, it remains unsolved.
T O D B I T
The Royal Canadian Mint released a glow-in-the-dark toonie in 2017 to mark Canada's 150th anniversary.
Highway to Hell
Northern Ontario, 2012, 4:00 a.m. A Brink's armoured truck carrying new toonies crosses the centre line on Highway 11 and hits a rock. The rock peels the truck open like a tin can, and the coins — travelling at highway speed and then suddenly stopping — get catapulted hundreds of metres down the road.
A police officer tells the media it was, quote, "pretty much like walking on a carpet of loonies and toonies, sometimes ankle deep." Between three and five million dollars in coins.
Then, because Canadians like making performance art out of awkward situations, another truck comes roaring up behind it too fast, crashes, and spills its load, which was (and I swear I'm not making this up) candy.
It was Canada's most fun piñata ever.
Brink's brings in an industrial magnet from a nearby scrap yard to recover the coins. But not before people do what people are going to do: help themselves to the money. Eventually, off-duty police officers are hired to keep people away, but nobody gets charged for taking a few bucks.
The Fake and the Furious
Then there's the camel-toe toonie. That is its actual name, given by collectors, because the fake coins have a polar bear with a split front paw. Starting around 2020, counterfeit toonies made in Quanzhou, China, for roughly five cents each began flooding into Canada. They're sold as replicas, but the customs statement calls them "metal badges," and I guess Canada Customs is like "Well, that's good enough for us."
And because these fakes are also bi-metallic, the usual magnet test won't detect them.
Some man in Ontario is fined $100k for passing around forty thousand of them, but no jail time. The Quebec man who imported them gets nine months in jail. The Chinese manufacturers, of course, are never charged.
A Most Canadian Coin
So next time someone asks what Canada's contribution to the world is, you can say: a coin made of two things fused together, turns up everywhere, and never quite gets the credit it deserves: Very Canadian indeed.
T O D B I T
After Queen Elizabeth's death, the Mint released a version of the toonie with a rim made from black nickel instead of the coin's usual silver rim.
Trivia
Why is the polar bear on the Canadian toonie facing left?
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Join the discussion about this issue in my Discord community
Last Chance to Get Shirts!
My merch store, along with the new Emotional Support Canadian design, is closing for the summer Tuesday!
👚 Real women’s shirts (not just “unisex”)
🍁 100% made in Canada (ALL of it! From sewing to shipping!)
📦 Ships to Canada, the USA, Australia, New Zealand, or anywhere
🌿 Crafted from sustainable material
💛 Partial proceeds to charity
🥖 Aussi offert en français
But only until Tuesday!
I am closing my merch store for the summer after June 30th, so don’t sleep on these. I’ll also be stopping sales on the Relentless Decency and I Stand With Canada shirts, so if you've wanted either of those shirts, now's the right time to pick one up: shop.todmaffin.com
The Weekly Poll
The polar bear on the toonie has a name, but the loon on the Loonie does not. What should we name it?
Last Week:
The Funny Bone
Ontario's Doug Ford’s daily calendar kept secret after changes to Ontario’s FOI law
by Greg Kearney; used under licence.
What You Missed This Week
The Good News ♥️
Soccer star Christine Sinclair and beloved actor/Parkinson's activist Michael J. Fox were among this year's Order of Canada appointees.
The first bison calves born in Batoche, SK, in nearly 150 years were given Michif names.
A Winnipeg dad to 3 daughters has created the Beers and Braids event to help other dads learn how to style hair and challenge gender norms.
SCIENCE!!!!!! 🔭
Health officials are reminding those with an appetite for shellfish to be careful this summer, as higher temperatures increase toxic micro-organisms on B.C. shores.
Parks Canada crews are at work in Alberta’s bat caves, spreading a blend of bacteria to try to save bats from a deadly and accelerating fungal infection.
The village of Quaqtaq, Nunavik, began construction on a wind energy project, making the community one step closer to taking control of its energy production.
A Calgary-area company, Beekeeping Innovations Ltd., is working to help Bees survive Canadian winters.
The First Peoples 🪶
A Cree mom and son are both graduating this year with a PHD and an education degree, respectively.
Labrador Friendship Centre celebrated Inuit and Innu cultures on National Indigenous Peoples Day.
Kikinow Elders Lodge, a new place for aging elders in Grande Cache, AB, celebrated its grand opening.
Several Ontario First Nations are set to become owners of a new nuclear reactor after striking a commercial partnership with the federal and provincial governments.
A documentary titled Spirit of Treaty 8, which explores the 125-year history of Treaty 8, premiered in Fort St. John, B.C., on Sunday.
In an effort to revitalize and preserve their language and culture, the Wendat First Nation is changing their stop signs to read “säa'tatenhsäa'tatenh”, a Wendat word which roughly translates to "stop yourself".
Canadian Content 🍁
Acclaimed Polaris Prize shortlisted songwriter, composer, activist and artist Daniel Monkman has released new music under the name Zoon.
A member of Muskoday First Nation in Saskatchewan, April Johnson has produced a children’s series, Kokum & Dot. The series helps children learn Cree and is available on Telus.
Comedian Laura Maclean has released her debut album, Lesbian Woman Alternative Comedy.
23-year-old Filipino-Canadian Juno nominee and alt-pop rock artist MICO has released a new album, When the Lights Turn On.
Comedian Hadi Kubba released his salacious debut comedy album.
Sports 🏒
Toronto Tempo guard Marina Mabrey scored 53 points on Thursday night to tie the WNBA’s single-game scoring record.
Canada's Ismaël Koné, who suffered a serious injury while playing a World Cup match, received a standing ovation upon arriving to support Team Canada in their match against Switzerland.
Former Montreal Canadiens goalie Carey Price will be inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame this year.
Across Canada 📍
A supportive housing complex targeting young people at risk of being homeless is officially open in Saint John, NB.
Canada is now eligible to take part in Eurovision after CBC/Radio-Canada became a full member of the European Broadcasting Union (EBU), a requirement to compete.
Multiple bear sightings have been reported in Calgary; thankfully, the bears show no sign of “aggressive or defensive behaviour”.
Politics 🧑⚖️
Canada will provide “an initial” $5 million in humanitarian assistance for Venezuela after a pair of deadly earthquakes hit the country overnight Wednesday.
A recent poll found only 33 percent of Canadians viewed the United States favourably — a steep decline from the 54 percent recorded in 2024.
The Philippines is forging closer defence ties with Canada as both countries attempt to limit Beijing’s territorial claims in the South China Sea.
Made in Canada
Queer Geekery is a Canadian queer-owned apparel and lifestyle brand based in Toronto, Ontario.
Founded in 2021 by married couple Danny and Greg, the company was created to combine their love of gaming, comics, science fiction, and LGBTQ+ pride. Their goal is to build an inclusive community through original clothing and accessories that celebrate queer identities and geek culture.
The brand prints its apparel in Toronto and supports Canadian production whenever possible. It also partners with organizations such as Egale Canada, donating proceeds from select products to support LGBTQ+ initiatives.
Although it remains a small independent business, Queer Geekery has built a loyal following through its online store, convention appearances, and community-focused approach, making it a recognizable name in Canada's queer fandom community.
