Okay Donald, let’s go through this slowly. 

You said Thursday you’re going to “decertify” Canadian aircraft because we have too much purple in Canada, and purple is woke, or something… honestly I’ve lost track of your strokes. 

Anyway, you want to ground all Canadian made planes in your country. I’m here to say, on behalf of all Canadians. “Do it! Fuckin’ do it, bud!”

Why are we so excited about this idea? Let’s review, using the incredible power of Basic Arithmetic!!

There are about 5,400 Canadian built aircraft registered in the United States. (Sorry about the big numbers, Donny.) Roughly 2,600 of those are Bombardier jets. About 650 are CRJ regional airliners. Those CRJs alone operate more than 2,600 flights every single day, offering around 175,000 seats daily.

That is the plumbing of American air travel. Those planes connect smaller American cities to major hubs. The flights from Des Moines and Knoxville, into Atlanta, Chicago, and Dallas. The kind of routes that keep what’s left of your country functioning.

Pull those planes out and you are not punishing us, you are cancelling Grandma’s connection in Omaha. 

I know planning’s not your strong point so let me play it out for you.

Airlines would cancel thousands of flights within days. They’d have to; there aren’t thousands of backup planes waiting around. Airports would be emptier than a screening of your wife’s documentary. 

Smaller airports would close entirely. Regional economies would take a huge hit. That’s families, business owners — some of them… (gasp!) white people, Donald!

During your first term, your commerce department proposed tariffs of nearly 300 percent on our Bombardier jets, the C series. All because your Boeing company was worried people would prefer the Canadian offering. (So much for the free market, eh?)

Boeing did not lose a single sale because of that aircraft. The C Series became the Airbus A220, which is now assembled in both Canada and the United States, including Alabama. 

Grounding Canadian planes won’t have any effect on Canada. You won’t be punishing Ottawa, you’ll be punishing Birmingham.

It won’t make America great. It will just make it late. Late to work. Late to weddings. Late to chemotherapy.

Buy hey, at least when someone misses their chemo appointment because their regional flight vanished, I’m sure they’ll be comforted knowing you owned the libs. 

— 30 —

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