Fill in the blank: “As American as ______.” If you said “apple pie,” you’re right. That’s the answer.

Now try this one: “As Canadian as _____.” No, it’s not hockey or maple syrup. There is answer to this, which I’ll tell you, but I guarantee it’s not what you think it is.

Identity in Progress

We Canadians have always been bad at defining ourselves. We know we have a distinct identity, we’re just not always sure how to articulate it.

Often, we define ourselves by what we’re not. We’re not loud. We’re not flashy.

And, perhaps most importantly, we’re not American.

The Heartbeat of Whatnow?!

Sometimes even the Americans forget that we’re not them.

In the 80s and 90s, Chevrolet used the tagline “The Heartbeat of America” when they were marketing their trucks. It was always over scenes of Texas fields, cowboys, and waving flags.

Then they tried importing that up north, and started running essentially the exact same ad — just Alberta fields, this time — and the tagline slightly changed to read “The Heartbeat of Canada.”

Canadians responded like someone had farted in a library. What the hell does that even mean?!

The campaign was scrubbed within days. You can barely find anything about it online.

We just don’t talk like that.

It’s not that we’re not patriotic, we just don’t feel the need to hire a marching band.

Remember when Target tried to set up shop here? They didn’t even last two years. It was one of the fastest major retail failures in Canadian history — 133 stores across the country. $7 billion dollars gone, driven by American overconfidence and misread culture.

A Canadian Pragmatism

One hint is to remember that we don’t live in absolutes here.

• Ask an American how they’re doing and it’ll be “Amazing! Crushing it!”

• Ask a Canadian and you’ll get “Well, we're doing okay, considering... I mean, it's complicated.”

I’ve always thought the biggest difference between the American identity and the Canadian identity is knowing when to quit. When something’s not working, we don’t double down—we bail. Or adapt. Or compromise.

Canadians pivot. Not because we’re weak, but because we’re sane.

America builds a $1 billion spaceship, cancels the project, then says, “Let’s build two more, but paint eagles on them!” Canada? We said “I mean, do we need to go to space? What if we just built them a really good robot arm and sent that instead?”

That’s not laziness. That’s efficiency. That’s a national understanding that sometimes, the juice is not worth the squeeze. And we’re okay with that. Not everything has to be a hill to die on.

And in a world full of chaos, maybe that’s the identity we should be proud of: a nation of reasonable people doing their best, together, under imperfect conditions.

And so, when the CBC decided to ask Canadians what phrase best captured our identity, the winner was: “As Canadian as possible… under the circumstances.”

That’s us. Pragmatic. Polite. A little unsure, but trying.

We’re not the heartbeat of the world.
We’re the metronome.
Keeping steady, quiet time — so the rest of the world can sing their loud songs.

First, the Good News 🙂

• An Ontario woman was stunned to see her grandparent's wartime locket on Facebook after stranger bought it in a thrift shop to help find owner

• Here’s the moment students on Vancouver Island made the world’s largest Nanaimo Bar

• The Seinfeld “soup nazi” will be in BC to raise money for victims of last month’s Lapu Lapu festival attack

• A social worker from Nova Scotia is enjoying his retirement in a very similar way to how he enjoyed his long career: by listening to people

The First People 🐢

• Her family's survival of residential schools inspired her to identify people buried in unmarked graves

• Carleton University launches new program aimed at training Indigenous journalists

Across Canada 🇨🇦

• Winnipeg got rid of its parking meters. Drivers are… [checks notes] …mad?!

• Enclosed mobility scooters should be on the (a) street, or (b) sidewalk. One small town can’t decide

• Sault Ste. Marie won’t hang a portrait of King Charles in its council chambers

• “The only thing I can't do is breastfeed,” and other dumb-ass things this Ontario small-town mayor got in trouble for saying

• This province got $614 million from a tobacco settlement. The only problem? They can’t figure out how to spend it

Science News You Missed 🧪

• Surgeons have successfully performed the first-ever human bladder transplant

• As the measles outbreak grows in Alberta, parents are navigating touchy vaccine conversations with friends and family

The Odd Files 🤣

• How would you pronounce the name Belanger? When the CBC chose one pronunciation, Canadians lost their minds

The Dystopian Hellscape 🔥

• Two Alberta TV stations shut down without warning this week, ending more than 60 years of local broadcasting

• A Lufthansa flight to Spain flew without a pilot for 10 minutes after the co-pilot fainted while he was alone in the cockpit

• Trump’s visual “proof” of genocide in South Africa, were actually images from Congo

• Half of Quebec's population lives in communities with no first responder service

Finally…

How bad are Canada Post’s finances? This bad ⬇︎ [more]

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