TOD’S RANT
BEFORE THE DRAWBRIDGE CLOSES

Is it just me, or is this Canadian federal election starting to feel a lot like an episode of The Friendly Giant? 

If you’re not Canadian and you don’t know what I’m talking about, it was an insanely popular children’s TV show. The slowest-paced show in history, where a giant in medieval tights plays music with a rooster and a giraffe. (Really.) It was comfort TV for my generation. 

And now, oddly, it’s the perfect lens through which to see this election.

Meet the Characters

Mark Carney is the Friendly Giant in a blazer. A calm voice, towering presence, and a bedtime-story approach to leadership. He talks fiscal responsibility like he’s reading us “Goodnight Moon”—soft and steady, but painfully boring. 

The real Friendly Giant, of course, never had to battle inflation or a trade crisis. His biggest challenge was looking interested while Rusty the Rooster went on another goddamned harp solo. And now Carney’s trying to lull a scorched economy to sleep with a soothing voice and a PowerPoint deck.

Pierre Poilievre is Rusty the Rooster. Loud, always squawking about gatekeepers, or inflation, or whatever the CBC did to him that day. Rusty was always popping in and out of that book bag with hot takes that nobody asked for.

Jagmeet Singh is Jerome the Giraffe. Jerome was the heart of the show. He was curious, kind, he’d ask big questions, challenge assumptions. But like Jagmeet — never really ran the show. He lived on the margins—peeking through the window, offering commentary, but was never in charge of the storyline. 

Hell, they even had the co-leaders of the Green Party in there — two cats named Elizabeth May and the other guy. Did they ever say anything? I can’t remember. 

So here we are. 

• A well-dressed giant who means well but talks too slow. 

• An uptight rooster with a megaphone and a persecution complex. 

• And a giraffe, looking at the camera with eyes that scream ‘Is this seriously the show?’

Stop Looking Up

The Friendly Giant always told us to look up—way up. And we did. 

But maybe now that we’re in an election, it’s time we stopped looking up, and started looking around. 

• Around at the woman working three jobs and still skipping meals. 

• At the family living in their car parked outside a hospital. 

• At the young people who see more promise in protest than in politics.

The chairs in the castle are still there—carefully arranged, perfectly lit.

But the script’s on a loop: Rusty crows, Jerome sighs, and the Giant decides who gets to sit.

This isn’t story hour anymore. The moat is rising. The castle walls are crumbling.

So when you do go to vote, remember this: History never remembers the gatekeepers. 

It remembers the ones who made room, lowered the drawbridge, and said: "Come in, let me pull up a rocking chair. There’s space for you too."

THE WEEK THAT WAS
The News You Didn’t Hear… But Should Have

First, the Lighter Side 🙂

• Uber says Canadians have left some wild things behind in their rides—a snare drum, gold teeth, and even a cat urine sample in Toronto. One pair of Vancouver riders forgot their grandparents, while someone in Ottawa left a physics test. more

The Election 🗳️

• Both the Conservatives and Liberals wildly exaggerate crowd sizes at their rallies. For example, the Conservatives claimed 15,000 in Edmonton—CBC counted around 1,500. Room sizes are often unable to accommodate claimed numbers. more

• Canadians are really leaning into early voting this year. Special ballots—where you write your candidate’s name—are getting returned faster than last election. Over 130,000 have voted already, a big jump from this point in 2021. more

Trade War: FAFO Edition 🥊

• Canadians continue to ditch their U.S. snowbird homes en masse. Between Trump’s anti-Canada comments and new border rules, many say they feel unwelcome. Real estate agents say listings are surging as snowbirds cash out and come home. more

• More Canadians are cancelling trips to the U.S., fearing harsh border treatment under Trump’s immigration crackdown. Some, like professors and dual citizens, are worried about being flagged for past tweets or DEI work. Some Iranian Canadians say they feel especially unwelcome and targeted. more

Business 💼

• A Chinese billionaire in B.C. says she plans to submit a bid to buy dozens of Hudson’s Bay stores to save the iconic Canadian brand. She’s posted her plans online, saying The Bay’s collapse made her sad. Experts say reviving it won’t be easy—it’ll take trust, money, and a serious strategy shift. more

• Google’s AI arm DeepMind is reportedly paying some staff not to work—for a whole year—just so they don’t join rivals like OpenAI or Microsoft. more

Science News You Missed 🧪

• Scientists at Northwestern made the world’s smallest pacemaker—smaller than a grain of rice. It’s designed for newborns with heart defects and dissolves after use. No surgery needed to remove it, and it’s powered by your own body fluids. more

• NASA’s offering $3 million to anyone who can figure out how to recycle urine, feces, and vomit in space. The LunaRecycle Challenge aims to cut down on human waste during future moon missions. more

• Scientists just made the biggest-ever functional brain map using part of a mouse’s brain—after showing it clips from The Matrix. more

• And Ontario had 155 new measles cases over the last week. (Like, shit. If only we had some kind of injectable to train our body's immune system to defend against diseases.)

The Dystopian Hellscape 🔥

• The UK is testing a creepy new algorithm to predict who might commit murder—before they do it. Using data from up to 500,000 people, including mental health and past police contact, critics warn it could unfairly target marginalized groups. more

MY WORK THIS WEEK
In Case You Missed It

BLUESKY’S BEST POSTS THIS WEEK
The LOL Side

HOW CANADA’S COMPANIES ENDED THE WEEK
The Market

FOLLOW TOD ON SOCIAL MEDIA
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