Down the road in my neighbourhood is a street named ‘Fuck Trudeau Lane.’

Okay, it’s not really called that, but for the past year, one of the houses flew flags that said exactly that.

I’ve been in a kind of unspoken battle with those neighbours (who I think I met at Hallowe’en and are actually really nice). But the more angry their house gets, the more queer our house gets.

I see your AI photo of Trudeau on a toilet and raise you four coloured floodlights on my Pride flag. Checkmate, bitchezzzzz.

So of course, I was interested to see a petition circulating this past week, proposing a ban on hateful flags with swear words — a petition I think is a terrible fucking idea.

Some of this country’s most entertaining political history comes from profanity — much of it from the very Trudeaus the flag down the street complains about.

In 1971, then Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau got in hot water when he swore in the House of Commons. His explanation and media scrum was weird:

Fast forward forty years. His son, then an MP, gets a little chirpy at a government minister during Question Period and yells out “Oh you piece of shit!”

Look, I’m the most liberal, godless, kale-munching menace to polite society you’ll ever meet. I believe in equity, inclusion, and drag brunches.

But I also believe that banning offensive language is a fast track to authoritarianism.

What’s offensive on a flag depends on who’s reading it. “Black Lives Matter” offends racists. “Love is Love” offends bigots. If we ban everything someone finds offensive, we’ll all be walking around in grey jumpsuits whispering only in compliments—and even those will need government approval.

Dissent is meant to make us squirm.

Free expression doesn’t exist to protect our feelings—it exists to protect the right to yell when things feel broken. And sometimes, that needs some fucking profanity. I get it, parents—you don’t want your kids seeing those flags. But let’s be honest: they’re hearing worse in the school hallway before first period.

We already have laws against actual harm—hate speech, threats, harassment. Enforce those. A swear word on a flag isn’t violence. It’s just a sharpie, bad taste, and too much time on your hands.

Profanity’s good.

Like it or not, the fact is that profanity has made a positive difference in this country.

• Back in 2011, a group of young comedians launched a web site called Shit Harper Did, which got more views than Harper’s actual election platform, and some analysts believe changed the election results.

• Or the Vancouver women whose mom’s cancer diagnosis was the catalyst for creating the Fuck Cancer movement. It’s raised millions.

This petition is the slipperiest slope imaginable. Today it’s “Fuck Carney.” Tomorrow it’s “Tax the Rich.” Once the rules are in place, they’ll be used by whoever’s in charge.

(Liberals: Do you really want to give a future Pierre Poilievre government a veto on what’s “offensive”?)

We can handle it.

Finally, and I think this is the most important, it makes us look like we can’t handle grown-up democracy. We say we want community engagement. Then someone swears and we call bylaw enforcement?

Real democracy is messy, loud, even crude. That’s what makes it real.

So I’m begging you: don’t sign that petition. Not because the flags are good. But because freedom is better.

If we can’t handle a little profanity in public, then the problem isn’t the flags, the problem is us.

First, the Good News 🙂

• A Cree radio network is launching a puppet show to encourage young and older audiences to hear and speak the Cree language.

• Ontario Provincial Police apprehended a goat spotted running along two eastern Ontario highways, thanks to the help of a passerby who happened to have another goat. No “kidding.”

• The oldest man in Canada credits his long life to never enjoying the taste of cigarettes, and his penchant for having a cold beer after mowing the lawn on a hot day.

• How a gift from Pope Francis inspired a restaurant owner to feed the hungry for years

FAFO: The U.S. vs Canada 🥊

• WestJet is pausing nine routes between the U.S. and Canada as demand dampens for travel between the two countries.

• Americans desperate to leave their country are trying to find Canadian spouses, and the dating apps are heating up.

• Trump says the U.S./Canada border is an “artificially drawn line." Trouble is… he’s not technically wrong.

Crime and Justice 🕵🏻‍♂️

• After a two-year investigation, police have laid charges in the theft of 45,000 chicks at a farm, against the farmer who first reported them missing.

Entertainment 🎶

• The Who have announced a final farewell tour of the US and Canada.

Funny 🤣

• A Chelsean? A Chelsite? A Chelski? What should a resident of Chelsea, Que., be called? The city is holding a poll to determine it.

The Dystopian Hellscape 🔥

• Another reason to not visit the U.S.: U.S. border guards this week began stopping vehicles on their return to Canada to search them. Vehicles with B.C. plates travelling south in April was less than half what it was the same time last year.

• The person behind the world's most notorious deepfake porn site has been identified as a Canadian hospital pharmacist, says CBC reporting

  • Google has started rolling out its Gemini chatbot to supervised accounts, meaning children under 13 can now interact with AI.

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