THE WEEKLY RANT
MAPL and TOQUE: The Hidden Metrics of Canadian Patriotism

Celine Dion is not Canadian. Neither is Justin Bieber, Bryan Adams, or Drake.

At least, according to a special government code you’ve never heard of — but one which could help us decide what stores to Buy Canadian at.

Let’s back up.

Can Con

Years ago, I was a national host for CBC Radio, Canada’s public broadcaster. I worked on a number of shows, but one in particular that I guest-hosted frequently on was called The Roundup. It was a sort of an interview variety show. And it played a lot of music.

In Canada, by law, broadcasters that play music have quotas they must meet in terms of how many songs played are Canadian content. Sometimes people in the industry call it “CanCon.”

But what is Canadian content?

• Does a guy born in Moncton, but living in Beverly Hills, working with an American producer, count?

• What about a singer from Nanaimo whose hit song was written by a team of Swedish pop wizards?

MAPL: A Code for Music

To work this out, the government developed a code called MAPL. It stands for Music, Artist, Performance, and Lyrics.

And to be officially Canadian, any song recorded after 1972 has to meet at least two of those. They are:

• Music: Was the music composed by a Canadian?

• Artist: Was it performed by a Canadian?

• Performance: Was it recorded in Canada?

• Lyrics: Were the lyrics written by a Canadian?

(By these rules, half of Nickelback’s songs might not even be Canadian. Which means we had an easy way to revoke their citizenship, and we didn’t take it.)

So, what does this have to do with shopping?

Buying Canadian has become an Olympic sport, and half of us are competing blindfolded. Because in the age of multinational corporations, deciding where to put your money isn’t simple.

Take Tim Hortons.

At first glance, it certainly seems Canadian.

But trying to figure out if Tim Hortons is Canadian is like trying to figure out if poutine is a meal or a cry for help. It depends who you ask.

• Started by a Canadian hockey player.

• Headquarters in Toronto.

• Five distribution centres and two manufacturing plants across Canada.

• Employs 100,000 Canadians

That’s pretty Canadian, right?

Well, that depends on how YOU define it.

Consider this.

Tim Hortons is owned by a company called Restaurant Brands ($QSR ( ▼ 0.42% ) ).

• The largest single shareholder in RBI is 3G Capital, a privately held American investment firm based in New York. It owns about 25% of the company.

• A similar amount is held by Canadian banks and large investors like pension funds. This number does fluctuate, though, as markets do.

• So that leaves 50%. Are those mostly Americans? Canadians? We don’t know.

So what matters more—who owns the brand, or who actually runs the stores?

And if that’s a tricky question, let’s talk about...

Ketchup.

The French’s ketchup company is owned by McCormick & Company ($MKC ( ▼ 1.17% ) ), that’s an American food giant. It’s a public company, and 80% of it is owned by massive American investment firms like Vanguard, State Farm, and BlackRock.

So if it’s American, why is it so popular here?

History.

The city of Leamington Ontario was known as the “Tomato Capital of Canada." It had one of the largest Heinz ketchup factories in the world. A thousand Canadians worked there, not including the local farmers that supported it.

Then, in 2013, practically overnight, it closed up shop. Hundreds of workers out of a job. Farmers left without a major buyer for their tomatoes.

That’s when French's — which until then had really only been known for its mustard — decided to move into the old Heinz plant, re-employ almost everyone, and provide a market for the local farmers again.

That’s why many Canadians buy French’s — not because there aren’t homegrown alternatives (Primo is one) — but because they did right by us.

But let’s be clear — for Canadians, supporting French’s over Heinz isn’t about patriotism. It’s about holding grudges. And if there’s one thing about the true Canadian identity, it’s that we’re very polite, but vindictive.

A Code for Commerce?

Maybe, then, what we need is our own kind of MAPL code to help us do some quick math on whether a store we shop at, or a product we buy, qualifies for our patriotic dollars.

In my mind, there are five factors:

• TOTAL SUPPLY — How much Canadian material or product do they buy to make what they sell?

• OWNERSHIP — what percentage of the company is owned by Canadians?

• QUALITY OF LIFE — how much do they contribute to the life of Canadians, through things like charity donations?

• UNIQUENESS — are they somehow uniquely Canadian, in a way that other countries would recognize?

• EMPLOYMENT — How many Canadians do they employ? Are they fair to them? Do they pay well? Do they have a good relationship with Canadian unions?

Yes, the code is TOQUE.

Shut up. I spent all day coming up with that.

Let’s apply this to Tim Hortons.

TOTAL SUPPLY: 
They have a flagship coffee roasting plant in Canada that supplies most of the Canadian stores with coffee; another in the U.S. that supplies the American ones. As for their food, I couldn’t get specific numbers, but a spokesperson for the company told me most food for Canadian locations are sourced from Canada. So, okay, a point.

OWNERSHIP: 
25% American, 25% Canadian, and 50% unknown. Of that unknown group, the CBC reported this week that 16% of the voting power is held by two American firms. That’s 41% American control that we know about.

But let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that the rest of the unknown group of smaller investors add up to make them mostly Canadian-owned.

There’s another issue, though — almost all Tim Hortons are franchised. I asked the company how many franchises were owned by Canadians, and while they either didn’t have or wouldn’t give me specific numbers, that spokesperson said the “vast, vast majority” are Canadian. That said, more than a third of their locations are located outside of Canada.

So I guess, half a point.

QUALITY OF LIFE: 
The company said last year it raised $44 million for charities. It has a children’s foundation. A point there.

UNIQUENESS:
Yes, I’d say it’s pretty Canadian in its branding and marketing and public perception. It’s basically part of our national identity. Another point.

EMPLOYMENT:
This is where things get messy. Some franchises cut employee benefits when the minimum wage went up. Media reported that the company even advised shareholders to vote against reporting on worker treatment. And some people believe it relies too heavily on the Temporary Foreign Worker program. Zero points.

Final score? 3.5 out of 5 TOQUEs.

Is That "Canadian enough"?

So, is that Canadian enough for you to consider shopping there? That’s up to you.

For me, Tim Hortons is Canadian the same way my uncle who winters in Arizona is: technically still one of us, but suspiciously tan and making some questionable business decisions.

Also, there’s another factor: weighting — which of these criteria mean more than the others? Is it where the money goes? Where the decisions are made? Who signs the paycheques? Or is it something less tangible—something about values, about who steps up when it matters?

And that’s why, sadly, my fancy TOQUE code will probably never work.

Final Thoughts

If nothing else, though, this proves one thing: “Buying Canadian” isn’t looking for a maple leaf in the window or on the package—it’s about asking questions:

• Who benefits?

• Who gets left behind?

• And when push comes to shove, who actually gives a damn about this country?

Because in the end, being Canadian isn’t something you measure.

It’s something you prove.

THIS WEEK IN CANADA
The News You Didn’t Hear… But Should Have

First, the Good News 🙂

• At least there was no late fee…
  An 83-year-old man from Edgewood, B.C., returned a library book to the University of B.C. — 64 years late. He'd borrowed a 1931 camping guide in 1960 and kept it because it was so useful, even helping him and his son avoid hypothermia. He sent it back in great condition, with a heartfelt letter and a $100 donation. more

• Order of Canada wins millions
  Charlie Coffey, an 81-year-old businessman and Order of Canada recipient, won a jaw-dropping $25 million Lotto Max jackpot (at first his bad eyesight made him think it was “only” $25,000). Known for helping marginalized communities, Coffey says he’ll use the money to support community causes. more

Buying Canadian 🛒

• Reddit Rescue: Shenul Williams’s condiment business in Pickering, Ontario was on the brink—until a Reddit post asking people to consider her store when “Buying Canadian” changed everything. Orders for Aki’s Fine Foods skyrocketed 4,000%. more

• The Buy-Canada Apps: As the tariff war continues, Canadians are bracing for even higher food prices. But mobile apps may help offset some of that financial strain. watch video

Uniquely Canadian 🍁

• Herding Hope: The Inuvialuit people now own Canada’s last free-ranging reindeer herd, once imported to fight food shortages. After struggling, the herd is thriving again—now 6,000 strong—thanks to local herders. It’s not just about meat; it’s about food security, self-reliance, and reclaiming cultural control over a colonial-era project. more

• Canada’s Longest Strike Ends: After nearly four years, the labour dispute at Radisson Blu Vancouver Airport Hotel is over. Workers won a 31% pay hike, job security, better benefits, and the right to return for those laid off during COVID. The strike began in 2021 after 143 staff were terminated. more

Science News You Missed 🧪

• Protein Clusters: Scientists at SickKids discovered how CFTR proteins clump together on cell membranes through a process called phase separation. This clustering is key in healthy lungs, but it’s messed up in people with cystic fibrosis. The finding could lead to new treatments, especially for patients current meds don't help. more

• Toxic Tag-Alongs: Researchers studied "selfish" genes in yeast that cheat their way into the next generation—even if it wrecks fertility. These genes make toxic protein clumps that kill off cells not carrying them, while their own "antidote" saves the chosen few. It’s like Hunger Games, but cellular. more

Dumb-Ass Trade War 🦫

• I mean… we will…
  Some Canadians are jokingly (?) suggesting banning Pornhub in the U.S. as revenge for Trump’s tariffs. The idea took off after a viral comedy sketch pointed out the site’s Canadian ownership. Forget tariffs—this is how you really grab America's attention! more

• Book Blockade
  The U.S. is tightening access to a historic library in Québec that straddles the Canada–U.S. border, blocking Canadians from its main American-side entrance. Locals say it ruins over 100 years of peaceful cooperation and shared space—all for vague “security” reasons. Did somebody tell Trump the books were trans or something? more

• Billboard Battle: Canada's firing back in the trade war with the U.S. by launching huge billboards in 12 red states, urging Americans to oppose Trump’s tariffs. Minister Joly says everyday Americans will feel the pain first. Canada’s also ready to hit $125 billion in U.S. goods with new tariffs if things don’t cool down by April 2.

Queer and Now 🏳️‍🌈

• Queersky?
  Some very nerdy Canadians have figured out how to set up a separate Bluesky server just for queer people and their allies. All of the “Northsky” infrastructure is hosted in Canada, outside of the reach of American laws and the anti-trans climate. NorthSky

The Dystopian Hellscape 🔥

• HYPOCRACY.
  Meta says it’ll fight misinformation in Australia’s 2025 election using third-party fact-checkers—you know, the ones they ditched in the U.S. after CEO Mark Zuckerberg called fact-checking “political” at home. But I guess it’s fine abroad? more

• How AI Accused Someone of Murder
  A Norwegian man says ChatGPT is falsely accusing him of killing his own kids. Privacy group Noyb says this violates EU data laws, since the info can’t be corrected or fully erased. They’re demanding OpenAI delete the content and fix the model. more

• Texas Bans Imaginary Furries
  A Texas bill aims to ban “furry” behavior—like meowing, barking, or wearing tails—in public schools. Filed by a Republican lawmaker (I know, shocker), the “FURRIES Act” targets what he calls “unhealthy role playing.” Side note: That’s not a thing. It’s never been a thing. Next up: banning imaginary friends from recess? more 

Finally, why are you still sitting there reading this? Get up, and bring me a marmot, damnit.

THE NEXT LIVE SHOW
IMMIGRATE TO CANADA

This Tuesday, March 25 • 7pm Pacific: If you’re in the U.S. and you’d like to move to Canada, I will be doing a live show with Lora Cai, a licensed Canadian immigration consultant. We’ll be covering:

• the “Express entry” program

• how the points system works

• how much it costs to apply

• what skilled trades are in demand

• how to get on a path to citizenship

• and much more.

Get your reminder here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8_oX7nlo28

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