And now, a proposal so obvious it's embarrassing that nobody has floated it seriously yet: Canada and Australia should merge into one country.

Before you swipe away, hear me out. We share the same King, the Westminster parliamentary system, the same being overshadowed by louder English-speaking countries. We both pack all our citizens into a thin strip while pretending the enormous empty interior is a selling point.

The combined land area would be 17 million square kilometres. We would be the largest country in the world. Between us, we’re already the sexiest, although the Aussies are carrying most of that work for us.

The cultural fit is so good it’s almost suspicious. We both have universal healthcare (though Canada will be happy to upgrade Australia to our better version of it). We both produce excellent athletes and citizens who apologise when a stranger bumps into them. Australia has Vegemite. Canada has poutine. Neither makes any sense to outsiders, and both inspire an almost religious fervour among locals.

How has this not happened yet?!

We’re already the same culture, separated by — what? — an ocean and a few billion years of continental drift?

Our combined GDP would be four trillion dollars. We’re both already in the G20, both OECD members, both have resource-heavy economies sitting on absurd natural wealth. Iron ore, oil sands, coal, lithium, wheat, timber, and passive aggression all under one flag.

We would basically be a giant warehouse store that also has free doctor visits and a surprisingly good film tax credit.

There are complications, obviously. The time zone thing would be a bureaucratic catastrophe. The Aussies have three (or maybe six? It’s confusing.) We have five. Five-and-a-half in Newfoundland. (It’s a joke, Newfie friends!)

National animal? The beaveroo.

National sport? I don’t know. Ice cricket?! Sportyball?! We’ll figure something out.

There is the subject of language. We would have to teach the Aussies French. Since the Quebecois are busy, it would fall on the Anglophones, which means a lot of time asking which library Jacques and Marie should search for the pencil.

The flag writes itself. Take the maple leaf, and just throw it on there a bunch of times. Problem solved.

The bigger question is what we call it. Auscanada sounds like a pharmaceutical company. Canaustralia sounds like someone mispronouncing an Italian city. My personal suggestion is we just call ourselves "The Country.”

We've both built entire national identities around not being American and surviving seasons that try to kill us. That's a foundation.

Someone draw up the paperwork.

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